The last time I wrote, I had just found out about you...I didn't know it was you at that point, but I knew that I had a life...your life...inside of me. The past two weeks I have had the privilege of being your mom. Despite the lack of sleep, hundreds of diaper changes, uncertainties of mommyhood, pain of childbirth, and the crazy recovery, I am YOUR mom. I never knew that I could love someone so much until I met you. The first time you looked at my face, I instantly felt so much love, responsibility, and joy...it completely overwhelmed me.
I want to share with you a message that your grammy wrote to me - one day, I will share this with you...
A daughter is one of the greatest blessings one could ever have
She begins her life loving and trusting you automatically
And for many years, you are the center of her life...
Together you experience the delights of the new things she learns and does
You enter into her play and are once again young
And even though it's harder to enter into her world as she becomes a teen
You are there, understanding her dilemmas and her fears
And wishing with all your heart that she didn't have to go through them
A daughter's smile is a precious sight that you treasure each time you see it
And the sound of her laughter always brings joy to your heart
Her successes mean more to you than your own
And her happiness is your happiness
Her heartaches and disappointments becomes yours, too
Because when she isn't okay, you can't be okay, either
Daughters aren't perfect but you, Daughter, come close
You have given me more happiness than you know
I am thankful for your kindness and thoughtfulness
And I am proud of who you are and how you live your life
Words can't express how much you mean to me or how much I love you
The love goes too deep, and the gratitude and pride I feel are boundless
Thank you for blessing my life in so many ways
December 5, 2011 is the day I met you, Ella Joy Myles...and I love you with all of my heart.
Love,
Mom
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
mommyhood:)
April 14th, 2011 is a day that has forever changed Nick and I's life...the day we found out that we would be parents. For me, being a mom is something that I have prayed for since I was young. I knew that in some capacity, whether biological or by adoption, I wanted to experience the journey of motherhood. I thank God daily that he allowed me to carry my own child and I continue to pray that everything goes smoothly. I have realized that worrying about your child doesn't start after they are born, it starts the moment you realize you are carrying another life. I continually think, I wonder if I am eating enough for my little one to grow up strong, or if they are getting all the nutrients they need for development. I am starting to pray now that I would be a good testimony so that my child understands the importance of wanting a relationship with God and will give their life to Him. I start thinking about schooling - what kind of school do I want them in? There are so many aspects to raising a child...now I understand what my parents went through, and I am ever so grateful for how they raised me and the decisions they made. I think about what I will call them - Ella for a girl, and we are still working on the boy name:) I think about the first time I will hold him/her and the first time they smile at me. I am overwhelmed with how amazing the journey has already been, and despite the nausea, extreme fatigue, and gaining a little weight, I am beyond excited about what is to come when I finally meet my little one in December:)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
adjustments...
Well, we are finally settled here in Dayton, thanks to my family and friends who helped us move in- I feel like I have been living here for a month already:) Due to the weather and having so much to do, I haven't ventured out too much in the city I now call my home...but I hope to after the ice has melted and things are back to normal.
The biggest adjustment of being here has not been the area, the house, or my lack of employment, it has been my husband's hours at his new job. I don't think I fully prepared myself for this waiting game I now find myself in. His previous job had great hours, 8:30 to 4:30 with all of the holidays off you could imagine...now it is 8:00 to 7:00 on a good day. It is now 7:00, and I don't even know if he has left yet. I am not writing to complain or for anyone to feel sorry for me, it is just a hard adjustment. I pray that as the job progresses, he will have more flexibility, and more opportunity to adjust his hours, but for now I have to be supportive, loving, and he needs to know that I am able to go with the flow (which is sometimes a bit hard for me:). I appreciate all he is doing in working so hard and sacrificing for us, and I know that he is wishing that he could be spending time with me too.
I pray that I can soon find the right job, and I can start to take my mind off all the time I am not spending with my husband who I love and miss whenever I am not with him.
The biggest adjustment of being here has not been the area, the house, or my lack of employment, it has been my husband's hours at his new job. I don't think I fully prepared myself for this waiting game I now find myself in. His previous job had great hours, 8:30 to 4:30 with all of the holidays off you could imagine...now it is 8:00 to 7:00 on a good day. It is now 7:00, and I don't even know if he has left yet. I am not writing to complain or for anyone to feel sorry for me, it is just a hard adjustment. I pray that as the job progresses, he will have more flexibility, and more opportunity to adjust his hours, but for now I have to be supportive, loving, and he needs to know that I am able to go with the flow (which is sometimes a bit hard for me:). I appreciate all he is doing in working so hard and sacrificing for us, and I know that he is wishing that he could be spending time with me too.
I pray that I can soon find the right job, and I can start to take my mind off all the time I am not spending with my husband who I love and miss whenever I am not with him.
Friday, January 7, 2011
New beginnings...New Year
December 31, 2010 was a day that started like any other...I got up and made a big breakfast while Nick worked on some last minute school work. As I was in the kitchen, I heard Nick's phone ring. I assumed that the call would consist of yet another concern or problem that either a student or professor had in regards to classes starting.
I had been praying the entire morning that Nick and I would have a peace about where we were supposed to be and that we would just enjoy the time in Lima if that was where we were supposed to stay. Nick had been through so many interviews, and had been so close to getting a job, but the rejection letters continued to come, and it was very challenging at times to keep our hopes high and to continue to expect the perfect job was out there.
...as I continued to listen to the phone call I noticed that Nick wasn't saying much...which was either a very good thing, or a very bad thing, but I would soon find out how that phone call would change our lives. Nick came down the hall, and I nonchalantly asked him who was on the phone, and all he said was, "Babe, I got the job."
We both broke down right then, and all we knew to do was thank God for this blessing, the job that Nick had not only prayed for but had worked so hard for as well.
In three weeks, we will begin a new journey together in Dayton, Ohio. The time spent in Lima, Ohio has taught us many things. It taught us to have faith that God provides - I came to Ohio without a job, or even a prospect, and I acquired three jobs within a month of being here. It taught us to depend on one another - we didn't have family around so we were able to grow in our relationship with each other. It taught us to have fun together - there is not much to do in Lima (they don't even have a Target) which should give you an idea of the extent of entertainment. Finally, for me, I have a greater love and a greater respect for my husband today than the day I married him. Not because of the job he has, the title, or any of the accolades that accompany the position, it is because of his character he has shown throughout the process, and our journey thus far. He is consistent, patient, and an amazing example of how to have faith in the many unknowns that permeate our lives.
So, we give thanks to God for this change, and the many possibilities that await us. We will miss the relationships that we have made here, and the many blessings we have found in our church and our friends, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to re-unite with old friends as well as make new relationships as we move forward in this next chapter of our lives.
I had been praying the entire morning that Nick and I would have a peace about where we were supposed to be and that we would just enjoy the time in Lima if that was where we were supposed to stay. Nick had been through so many interviews, and had been so close to getting a job, but the rejection letters continued to come, and it was very challenging at times to keep our hopes high and to continue to expect the perfect job was out there.
...as I continued to listen to the phone call I noticed that Nick wasn't saying much...which was either a very good thing, or a very bad thing, but I would soon find out how that phone call would change our lives. Nick came down the hall, and I nonchalantly asked him who was on the phone, and all he said was, "Babe, I got the job."
We both broke down right then, and all we knew to do was thank God for this blessing, the job that Nick had not only prayed for but had worked so hard for as well.
In three weeks, we will begin a new journey together in Dayton, Ohio. The time spent in Lima, Ohio has taught us many things. It taught us to have faith that God provides - I came to Ohio without a job, or even a prospect, and I acquired three jobs within a month of being here. It taught us to depend on one another - we didn't have family around so we were able to grow in our relationship with each other. It taught us to have fun together - there is not much to do in Lima (they don't even have a Target) which should give you an idea of the extent of entertainment. Finally, for me, I have a greater love and a greater respect for my husband today than the day I married him. Not because of the job he has, the title, or any of the accolades that accompany the position, it is because of his character he has shown throughout the process, and our journey thus far. He is consistent, patient, and an amazing example of how to have faith in the many unknowns that permeate our lives.
So, we give thanks to God for this change, and the many possibilities that await us. We will miss the relationships that we have made here, and the many blessings we have found in our church and our friends, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to re-unite with old friends as well as make new relationships as we move forward in this next chapter of our lives.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
...being great
I haven't posted anything in awhile, but I have recently found the energy and time to put some coherent thoughts together:)
As I think back to all of my experiences with people, both professionally and personally, I start to wonder, is there a formula for being "great?" For being excellent in all that you do...an excellent wife, an excellent mom, an excellent teacher, CEO, police officer...an excellent friend, or brother/sister. Does being great mean perseverance, is it intelligence, is it determination, passion, or is it all of the above? I always challenge myself to be great at whatever I put my mind to, and when I don't feel I quite measure up to my standards (or others), I question my abilities or my ambitions. I think of many individuals who I have had the privilege of working with or becoming friends with over the years, and some of those individuals, they challenge me to try harder in life - by inspiring greatness- whether it is excelling in a career with integrity and character, or enduring a very difficult life-threatening disease with the best attitude, it challenges me to think about my life and how I would handle each situation.
The key, in my opinion to finding greatness, is surrounding yourself with those who are, and trying to become someone who you are proud to be.
As I think back to all of my experiences with people, both professionally and personally, I start to wonder, is there a formula for being "great?" For being excellent in all that you do...an excellent wife, an excellent mom, an excellent teacher, CEO, police officer...an excellent friend, or brother/sister. Does being great mean perseverance, is it intelligence, is it determination, passion, or is it all of the above? I always challenge myself to be great at whatever I put my mind to, and when I don't feel I quite measure up to my standards (or others), I question my abilities or my ambitions. I think of many individuals who I have had the privilege of working with or becoming friends with over the years, and some of those individuals, they challenge me to try harder in life - by inspiring greatness- whether it is excelling in a career with integrity and character, or enduring a very difficult life-threatening disease with the best attitude, it challenges me to think about my life and how I would handle each situation.
The key, in my opinion to finding greatness, is surrounding yourself with those who are, and trying to become someone who you are proud to be.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
what if...
As I get older, life tends to get more complicated, more obscure, but more literal at the same time. Jobs hold more weight because there are more bills, you start trying to plan for the future and retirement, rather than just a month in advance, and you start thinking of baby names and deciding when you should start a family. As life advances, so do the questions, fears, and unknowns. As a woman, my fears are common...aging, losing loved ones, finding balance in life, keeping God primary, financial stability, being a wife who my husband is proud of, being a good mom, praying that I am a mom....
I find that worrying or letting these fears dictate my future is not healthy nor is it wise. Giving these fears to God is freeing - it allows me to release the unknowns that I wish to control and that is when I find myself face down, knees to the floor, praying that God would do what he wants in my life. For those of you who know me, this is difficult. I like to keep control in my life, to succeed at whatever I put my mind to, to fulfill my goals and dreams. I realize that no matter how hard we strive for our goals and dreams, there are some dreams in life where God takes control, and for me, that is hard to understand. But I have set my heart and my mind to let God take control of my fears, of my dreams, and I know that God has His best for my life. If life had gone as I had planned, I would not have the opportunity to be in this very moment, this marriage, this life...so I am so thankful that God's plan is always better.
I find that worrying or letting these fears dictate my future is not healthy nor is it wise. Giving these fears to God is freeing - it allows me to release the unknowns that I wish to control and that is when I find myself face down, knees to the floor, praying that God would do what he wants in my life. For those of you who know me, this is difficult. I like to keep control in my life, to succeed at whatever I put my mind to, to fulfill my goals and dreams. I realize that no matter how hard we strive for our goals and dreams, there are some dreams in life where God takes control, and for me, that is hard to understand. But I have set my heart and my mind to let God take control of my fears, of my dreams, and I know that God has His best for my life. If life had gone as I had planned, I would not have the opportunity to be in this very moment, this marriage, this life...so I am so thankful that God's plan is always better.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Love...
I am in love with my husband..
he is a leader
he is a good friend
he loves me unconditionally
he brings me flowers
he helps me wash dishes
he helps me clean
he takes out the trash
he makes me dinner
he leads our home spiritually
he is loyal
he is kind
he is slow to anger
he is dependable
he is handsome
he loves his family
he provides for our family
he kisses really good:)
he makes me laugh
he makes me cry (in a good way)
he prays for me
he is my best friend...
i am more in love with him today than the day i married him...
he is a leader
he is a good friend
he loves me unconditionally
he brings me flowers
he helps me wash dishes
he helps me clean
he takes out the trash
he makes me dinner
he leads our home spiritually
he is loyal
he is kind
he is slow to anger
he is dependable
he is handsome
he loves his family
he provides for our family
he kisses really good:)
he makes me laugh
he makes me cry (in a good way)
he prays for me
he is my best friend...
i am more in love with him today than the day i married him...
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