across the myles...

Dear Ella,

2011-12-22T19:08:00.000-08:00

The last time I wrote, I had just found out about you...I didn't know it was you at that point, but I knew that I had a life...your life...inside of me. The past two weeks I have had the privilege of being your mom. Despite the lack of sleep, hundreds of diaper changes, uncertainties of mommyhood, pain of childbirth, and the crazy recovery, I am YOUR mom. I never knew that I could love someone so much until I met you. The first time you looked at my face, I instantly felt so much love, responsibility, and joy...it completely overwhelmed me.

I want to share with you a message that your grammy wrote to me - one day, I will share this with you...

A daughter is one of the greatest blessings one could ever have
She begins her life loving and trusting you automatically
And for many years, you are the center of her life...

Together you experience the delights of the new things she learns and does
You enter into her play and are once again young
And even though it's harder to enter into her world as she becomes a teen
You are there, understanding her dilemmas and her fears
And wishing with all your heart that she didn't have to go through them

A daughter's smile is a precious sight that you treasure each time you see it
And the sound of her laughter always brings joy to your heart

Her successes mean more to you than your own
And her happiness is your happiness

Her heartaches and disappointments becomes yours, too
Because when she isn't okay, you can't be okay, either

Daughters aren't perfect but you, Daughter, come close
You have given me more happiness than you know

I am thankful for your kindness and thoughtfulness
And I am proud of who you are and how you live your life

Words can't express how much you mean to me or how much I love you
The love goes too deep, and the gratitude and pride I feel are boundless

Thank you for blessing my life in so many ways

December 5, 2011 is the day I met you, Ella Joy Myles...and I love you with all of my heart.

Love,
Mom

mommyhood:)

2011-05-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

April 14th, 2011 is a day that has forever changed Nick and I's life...the day we found out that we would be parents. For me, being a mom is something that I have prayed for since I was young. I knew that in some capacity, whether biological or by adoption, I wanted to experience the journey of motherhood. I thank God daily that he allowed me to carry my own child and I continue to pray that everything goes smoothly. I have realized that worrying about your child doesn't start after they are born, it starts the moment you realize you are carrying another life. I continually think, I wonder if I am eating enough for my little one to grow up strong, or if they are getting all the nutrients they need for development. I am starting to pray now that I would be a good testimony so that my child understands the importance of wanting a relationship with God and will give their life to Him. I start thinking about schooling - what kind of school do I want them in? There are so many aspects to raising a child...now I understand what my parents went through, and I am ever so grateful for how they raised me and the decisions they made. I think about what I will call them - Ella for a girl, and we are still working on the boy name:) I think about the first time I will hold him/her and the first time they smile at me. I am overwhelmed with how amazing the journey has already been, and despite the nausea, extreme fatigue, and gaining a little weight, I am beyond excited about what is to come when I finally meet my little one in December:)

adjustments...

2011-02-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

Well, we are finally settled here in Dayton, thanks to my family and friends who helped us move in- I feel like I have been living here for a month already:) Due to the weather and having so much to do, I haven't ventured out too much in the city I now call my home...but I hope to after the ice has melted and things are back to normal.

The biggest adjustment of being here has not been the area, the house, or my lack of employment, it has been my husband's hours at his new job. I don't think I fully prepared myself for this waiting game I now find myself in. His previous job had great hours, 8:30 to 4:30 with all of the holidays off you could imagine...now it is 8:00 to 7:00 on a good day. It is now 7:00, and I don't even know if he has left yet. I am not writing to complain or for anyone to feel sorry for me, it is just a hard adjustment. I pray that as the job progresses, he will have more flexibility, and more opportunity to adjust his hours, but for now I have to be supportive, loving, and he needs to know that I am able to go with the flow (which is sometimes a bit hard for me:). I appreciate all he is doing in working so hard and sacrificing for us, and I know that he is wishing that he could be spending time with me too.

I pray that I can soon find the right job, and I can start to take my mind off all the time I am not spending with my husband who I love and miss whenever I am not with him.

New beginnings...New Year

2011-01-07T18:45:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2010 was a day that started like any other...I got up and made a big breakfast while Nick worked on some last minute school work. As I was in the kitchen, I heard Nick's phone ring. I assumed that the call would consist of yet another concern or problem that either a student or professor had in regards to classes starting.

I had been praying the entire morning that Nick and I would have a peace about where we were supposed to be and that we would just enjoy the time in Lima if that was where we were supposed to stay. Nick had been through so many interviews, and had been so close to getting a job, but the rejection letters continued to come, and it was very challenging at times to keep our hopes high and to continue to expect the perfect job was out there.

...as I continued to listen to the phone call I noticed that Nick wasn't saying much...which was either a very good thing, or a very bad thing, but I would soon find out how that phone call would change our lives. Nick came down the hall, and I nonchalantly asked him who was on the phone, and all he said was, "Babe, I got the job."

We both broke down right then, and all we knew to do was thank God for this blessing, the job that Nick had not only prayed for but had worked so hard for as well.

In three weeks, we will begin a new journey together in Dayton, Ohio. The time spent in Lima, Ohio has taught us many things. It taught us to have faith that God provides - I came to Ohio without a job, or even a prospect, and I acquired three jobs within a month of being here. It taught us to depend on one another - we didn't have family around so we were able to grow in our relationship with each other. It taught us to have fun together - there is not much to do in Lima (they don't even have a Target) which should give you an idea of the extent of entertainment. Finally, for me, I have a greater love and a greater respect for my husband today than the day I married him. Not because of the job he has, the title, or any of the accolades that accompany the position, it is because of his character he has shown throughout the process, and our journey thus far. He is consistent, patient, and an amazing example of how to have faith in the many unknowns that permeate our lives.

So, we give thanks to God for this change, and the many possibilities that await us. We will miss the relationships that we have made here, and the many blessings we have found in our church and our friends, but I am so thankful for the opportunity to re-unite with old friends as well as make new relationships as we move forward in this next chapter of our lives.

...being great

2010-11-09T19:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted anything in awhile, but I have recently found the energy and time to put some coherent thoughts together:)

As I think back to all of my experiences with people, both professionally and personally, I start to wonder, is there a formula for being "great?" For being excellent in all that you do...an excellent wife, an excellent mom, an excellent teacher, CEO, police officer...an excellent friend, or brother/sister. Does being great mean perseverance, is it intelligence, is it determination, passion, or is it all of the above? I always challenge myself to be great at whatever I put my mind to, and when I don't feel I quite measure up to my standards (or others), I question my abilities or my ambitions. I think of many individuals who I have had the privilege of working with or becoming friends with over the years, and some of those individuals, they challenge me to try harder in life - by inspiring greatness- whether it is excelling in a career with integrity and character, or enduring a very difficult life-threatening disease with the best attitude, it challenges me to think about my life and how I would handle each situation.

The key, in my opinion to finding greatness, is surrounding yourself with those who are, and trying to become someone who you are proud to be.

what if...

2010-08-22T20:04:00.000-07:00

As I get older, life tends to get more complicated, more obscure, but more literal at the same time. Jobs hold more weight because there are more bills, you start trying to plan for the future and retirement, rather than just a month in advance, and you start thinking of baby names and deciding when you should start a family. As life advances, so do the questions, fears, and unknowns. As a woman, my fears are common...aging, losing loved ones, finding balance in life, keeping God primary, financial stability, being a wife who my husband is proud of, being a good mom, praying that I am a mom....

I find that worrying or letting these fears dictate my future is not healthy nor is it wise. Giving these fears to God is freeing - it allows me to release the unknowns that I wish to control and that is when I find myself face down, knees to the floor, praying that God would do what he wants in my life. For those of you who know me, this is difficult. I like to keep control in my life, to succeed at whatever I put my mind to, to fulfill my goals and dreams. I realize that no matter how hard we strive for our goals and dreams, there are some dreams in life where God takes control, and for me, that is hard to understand. But I have set my heart and my mind to let God take control of my fears, of my dreams, and I know that God has His best for my life. If life had gone as I had planned, I would not have the opportunity to be in this very moment, this marriage, this life...so I am so thankful that God's plan is always better.

Love...

2010-07-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

I am in love with my husband..

he is a leader
he is a good friend
he loves me unconditionally
he brings me flowers
he helps me wash dishes
he helps me clean
he takes out the trash
he makes me dinner
he leads our home spiritually
he is loyal
he is kind
he is slow to anger
he is dependable
he is handsome
he loves his family
he provides for our family
he kisses really good:)
he makes me laugh
he makes me cry (in a good way)
he prays for me
he is my best friend...

i am more in love with him today than the day i married him...

What is your legacy?

2010-07-08T15:41:00.000-07:00

Recently, I have known many people that have had to face the "C" word...cancer. Many of them were not directly connected to me, but through friends or extended family. I have really wrestled with the not only the idea of cancer, but who this disease is affecting within my circle of friends.

Just two months ago, I attended a viewing for Christy DePriest Wright who had passed away from cancer at the age of 24. Her life seemed to be completely devoted to the Lord, in fact, her and her husband had planned to become missionaries to China. Her joy of life and love for God radiated through her entire life...anyone who met her knew that she had a relationship with Him. So, as humans, our immediate question is "why?" While I don't think we will ever know the true reasons here on earth, God knows. In the week before Christy's death, she called two of Nick and I's friends and asked them to be pall-bearers in her funeral. She was in good spirits despite what the next few days would bring. What a testimony. On the day that Christy passed, her mom came in to say that she probably wouldn't make it through the day because of complications with her lungs. Christy just looked at her and said, "I get to go to heaven now?" I can't say that I would have that peace, that I wouldn't be angry or frustrated, but she was. Her testimony, even though I didn't know her that well, has influenced my life so many times...times when I get frustrated about insignificant life events, or when I seem to be too negative, I think of her strength, her faith, and how her life was cut short, and she praised God even then.

Even though Christy's life was cut short, her memories, her testimony, and her life will influence so many for eternity. I hope that I am able to leave a legacy for future generations that will point others towards Christ...as Christy did in her short 24 years on this earth.

life's little lessons...

2010-07-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

As I wrote in my previous blog, I was greatly anticipating how much fun this past weekend would be, especially going to Easton and spending time with my family and husband. And it was very fun, up until yesterday, well last night to be more specific. Many of you know that my parents live on a small lake and so my parents, nick, my grandpa, and Becca decided to take a boat ride. It was quite warm yesterday and Nick decided to jump in...

Somehow, which I still have yet to figure out, his wedding ring fell off his hand and is now laying in the bottom of that lake. The tears immediately starting filling my eyes as I thought of how much that ring meant to me, and all of the memories that were attached to that piece of metal as we began our journey together as husband and wife. I felt that I had to leave behind a piece of me, a piece of us, and a piece of my heart. I told Nick that was a very expensive swim...:)

I couldn't help but think of how often we place value in things and not people, and how God can teach us lessons in the moments we least expect it in order for us to learn. I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason...instead of causing frustration in our marriage because of the situation, it was an opportunity for us to grow and learn that no matter what happens in this life..for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, with wedding rings or without, we have each other.

So we now begin another search of finding the perfect wedding ring for the second time...and hopefully the last.

easton bound!

2010-07-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

Back in my college days, a bunch of us girls (Bethany, Gretchen, Rach, Hamil, Lisa, and Melissa ) would all head to Easton in Columbus, OH for an evening out. These trips became some of my best memories at Cedarville University. We would head straight to the Cheesecake factory and then do some much needed shopping. Easton represents a place where good memories were always made...and now, 9 years later, I am heading back with my hubby and family to create more wonderful memories. I just love how life brings you full circle to the places we love to be.

Dreams coming true...

2010-06-30T21:30:00.001-07:00

I have said before that I am so overwhelmed at how God orchestrates timing and certain events that happen in life. This week was one of those times. For several years now, I have had dreams of teaching online, and yesterday that dream became a reality. As silly as it sounds, during the training, I nearly teared up as I was learning about the curriculum and the logistics of the online system. Sometimes it is hard to avoid the emotion that comes with finding yourself in a place in life that you have prayed so hard for, and have now been given. This online teaching job is a stepping stone for me as I begin a new phase of life...a phase where hopefully I will have the privilege of having children, and being home with them as much as possible. It feels as though dreams and goals are unfolding before my eyes, and that is not only encouraging but it makes me want to tell everybody that God truly answers prayers.

I encourage you to continue to pray often, to pray frequently and know that God not only hears them, he is longing to have those prayers answered.

Transition...a way of life

2010-06-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

So...after completing two master's degrees, getting married, moving to Ohio, and getting two new jobs, I thought I would now have some time to do some blogging:) I guess I am already in withdrawal of writing paper after paper and need some kind of communicative outlet!

These past few months have brought a lot of change to my life...which I like to believe comes naturally for me. Although, the magnitude of change has overwhelmed me at times, I am so thankful for how God has shown His faithfulness and His perfect timing. I cannot begin to say how many times I have said to my husband, "I can't believe how perfect the timing of the phone call for a job, an interview, or even a renter for our condo" has been for us. God has taught me so many lessons...about having faith in uncertain situations...trusting that God's timing is perfect...and being thankful for any outcome.

So, in conclusion, I am so thankful for the life God has provided, even if it is in a small town called Lima, OH :)